Abyss
by StonexHeart
Summary: Contains spoilers for "Fang." Max's feelings after he leaves. Short, depressing, and sure to turn any Friday into a Monday. Drabble-ish. Post "Fang," obviously. K for suggestive ideas. Major hints of Faxness.


**Abyss**

**I wrote this soon after I read "Fang," so there will be spoilers to those who haven't read it. This entire thing takes place in Max's POV. **

**Please review. Flamers appreciated, but please keep it kid appropriate.**

Did you know?

Did you know how much it would hurt me?

How much it would hurt Angel, Nudge, Iggy, Gazzy?

But especially me.

Everyday, in our small house in Colorado, I am surrounded by my family.

My family, who I wouldn't trade the world for.

But it's so empty.

So lonely.

Your sent lingers.

I walk to the bathroom, and half expect to see you creeping silently down the hall.

In the way that you only could.

When you'd see me, you're face will light up, like the First of July.

The memories, they were too painful.

I should turn away.

Every human instinct inside of me tells me to shy away from the pain.

Both emotional and physical.

But I can't.

I can't help but wonder if you were just a fading dream.

My memories keep you alive.

They keep me alive.

They give me something to do besides cry.

That's all I do these days.

But I think I'm running low on tears.

If it gets to be too much, a dry, aching sob will escape from me.

How are you taking it?

How is your world of gray?

I gradually became distant with the rest of the flock.

My family.

I wouldn't blame me if they left me all alone.

Maybe that's best.

Gazzy and Iggy would tell me about their latest inventions.

They'd make it far in this world.

I tried to listen with open ears, but every time I tried to focus on something…

The sound of rushing, gurgling water would enter my ears.

It was deafening.

Nudge would cheer me up by showing me her latest designs.

She decided that she wanted to be a fashion artist.

She'd make it far, too.

But when I tried to see them, the lines and colors became a gobbled mess.

Angel would come in and just sit by me.

She stare at me with her blue eyes.

Seeming to search my soul as she held my hand.

She'd give it a squeeze, but I couldn't remember how to squeeze back.

Dylan would come into my room at night.

When the rest of the flock was asleep.

He didn't seem so perfect, anymore.

Not when he had _him_ to compare to.

Dylan would try to talk sense into me.

He'd hold my hand.

I longed for a different one.

A rougher, more callused one.

I didn't feel any anger towards Dylan.

Fang would have left on his own.

Eventually.

But maybe I'm wrong.

Maybe I should hate Dylan.

I didn't know.

Everything was upside down.

Backwards. Wrong.

He kept me leveled.

So I sat in bed.

Laid, more specifically.

I'd stare at the cracks in my ceiling.

The only thing that would ever disturb me would be Iggy, telling me it's time for a meal.

We built extensions to the house and Nudge and Angel moved out of my room.

I wasn't mad at them.

Or hurt.

I didn't blame them.

Really.

I didn't do anything.

But try to survive.

I took showers, sometimes.

Ate. Although I never ate much.

I survived.

I didn't live.

Just, survive.

You wanted that. You wanted your little warrior to go on.

On the few, blissful minutes.

The minutes where I wouldn't think of him.

Wouldn't feel the pain.

Were when my mind truly started to wander.

Time passed in odd lumps.

There were 24 hours in a day.

365 days in a year.

So that means that there were 8,760 hours in a year.

Everything adds up.

I still hold the note you gave me.

I keep it in my pocket.

It's yellowing slightly.

It's so creased from folding it and unfolding it countless times.

I've memorized it.

But the words cut into me like knives.

So.

I don't dwell on it.

But I remembered one part.

More so than the rest.

Twenty years.

That's 175, 200 hours.

10,512,000 minutes.

630,720,000 seconds.

So on.

And so forth.

I couldn't make it those 630,720,000 seconds.

Even I –

The great Max, could not.

I think my team acknoliged that fact.

I didn't mind, quite so much, Angel being the leader.

She's a great leader.

She's grown in the past 120,000 hours.

5,000 days.

Going on 14 years.

They all have lives now.

Families of their own.

I go about my day.

Surviving.

Exactly 5,110 days after the day you left.

The day you took me away from me.

I started to visit the cliff side.

You know the one.

I'd sit on the ledge,

My wings folded back behind me.

I'm alone.

My voice had amandoned me.

So have everyone else.

So have you.

I pictured my life without wings.

If we were normal teenagers,

we could have, would have,

stood a chance.

But we're not.

2% never seemed so big.

The rain in splattering this sheet now.

Or is those more tears?

I can barely read my own scribble.

I put the note in an envelope.

I kiss the seal.

And I jump.

The only problem is.

Just before I jumped?

I hacked off my own wings.

And if I wasn't going to die on impact with the rocks below.

The blood lost would.

I'm nothing if now thorough.

It's getting easier to think of you now.

I don't have to repress you.

I can see you.

Only you.

Sure there are flashes of other people.

Others, insignificant.

But as soon as an image flashed by,

I'd forget the person.

And remember you.

I was falling into the abyss.

The abyss will stretch on forever.

And maybe this fall will too.

If it had been the old days, you would have caught me.

But the old days were long gone.

_And with that, the abyss enveloped me. _

**Wow, dark, huh? **

**I sort of left it up to the reader. **

**Did Max really jump?**

**Was she insane? **

**Was she thinking figuratively?**

**Maybe I'll post a follow up. If I get enough comments, I will. **

**~ABeautifulDream**


End file.
